29 Ways to Keep Your Relationship Tuned Up

By Angie Woodward, RN
Director of Trinity Teen Solutions


Why do some relationships last forever and others fall apart? Here are some ways you can make your partner feel appreciated again and prevent your relationship from becoming a casualty.

1. Treat your partner as you would your boss, best friend, or best customer.
2. Think about what your partner wants and give it to him or her.
3. Think of ways you can do the unexpected and be thoughtful. Remember how you acted when you wanted to win your partner over.
4. Pay attention to your appearance. Dress nicely; get into shape.
5. Express your thoughts carefully. Being married doesn’t give anyone permission to let it all hang out.
6. Spend regular time together alone.
7. Look for ways to compliment your partner.
8. Hug when you say hello and goodbye. It feels good and it makes people feel loved.
9. Learn and practice communication skills. Relating successfully to another person requires a set of skills that can be learned.
10. Be polite. Just because you are married doesn’t mean you can forget your manners.
11. When you want something, say please.
12. When your partner does something for you, say thank you.
13. When your partner comes home after a day at work, greet her at the door and say hello. Ask how her day went.
14. When your partner leaves for work in the morning, say goodbye and “I love you” or “Have a good day.”
15. When your partner faces a challenge at work during the day, ask how it went when you get home.
16. During your evening meal together, avoid the temptation to watch television or read the paper or mail. Look at your partner and have a conversation.
17. If you want to make plans that affect how your partner will be spending time, check with him first and make sure it’s convenient.
18. When you ask your partner a question, make eye contact and listen to the answer.
19. When you disagree with something your partner says, pay attention to your response. Do you express your opinion without putting her down? You can express your opinion assertively rather than aggressively. For example, you can say, “I have another opinion. I think we should wait until spring to have the walls painted,” rather than, “That’s silly! We should wait until spring.”
20. Pay attention to how much of your side of the conversation is asking questions versus making statements. If you tend to be the dominant one, ask more questions.
21. Ask open-ended questions to encourage your partner to open up and talk. Open-ended questions begin like this:
1. Tell me about...
2. What do you think of...
3. What was it like when...
22. Have you become passive with your partner because that’s the easiest way to avoid conflict? Over time, this is not a good idea. You will inevitably begin to build up feelings of resentment because you are stifling your feelings, thoughts, and opinions. If you think you are choosing passive behavior too often, think about discussing it with your partner and asking him to help you be more assertive.
23. Researchers have found that people whose marriages last the longest have learned to separate from their families of origin (their own parents and siblings) and have appropriate, healthy boundaries. They value and honor their own privacy and separateness as a couple. This means they have regular, appropriate contact with their extended family, but that it is not excessive or stifling. How do you compare?
24. Check your communication with your partner and beware of using “You” messages. “You” messages are damaging because they make the other person feel bad or disrespected. It feels like you are talking down to him or her. These are statements that begin with you. For example:
1. You need to come home by 6:00 tonight.
2. You shouldn’t do that.
3. You should call me from the office and tell me when you’ll be home.
4. Here is what you ought to do.
25. If you want to demonstrate to your partner that you respect and esteem him or her, try speaking with “I” messages instead. When you start your statement with “I,” you are taking responsibility for the statement. It is less blameful and less negative than the “you” message.
    You can use this formula: Your feelings + Describe the behavior + Effect on you. This is how an “I” message sounds: When I heard that you’d planned a weekend up north, I was confused about why you hadn’t asked me first, so I could be sure to get the time off. It takes some practice and you have to stop and think about what you are going to say, but your marriage deserves to be handled with care.
26. Make a list of your partner’s positive qualities. Share them with him and tell her why you think each is true.
27. Ask your partner to do the same for you.
28. Respect each other’s private space. Over time, many couples let this slide.
29. As the years pass, many couples begin to feel like they are living in the same house, but have parallel lives. Their paths cross in fewer places. What is the trend in your relationship and what do you want to do about it?

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Angie Woodward is a Registered Nurse in Wyoming and is the founder and director of Trinity Teen Solutions, Inc.  Trinity is a licensed Christian residential treatment center for at risk teen girls and their families.  Call 307-645-3384 for a free consultation.

Recovering From Sexual Assault

Sexual assault occurs when one person forces any unwanted sexual contact onto another person. It can involve a stranger, friend, partner, or acquaintance. It can involve any type of unwanted sexual behavior.

Being sexually assaulted involves both physical and psychological assault. Assault victims experience a range of emotions that include fear, shame, anger, and depression.

Most sexual assault victims are women, and most perpetrators are men. However, a significant number of males also are sexually assaulted. For the sake of simplicity, I will refer to the victims in this article as females.

Stages of Sexual Assault Recovery for Teen Girls

Sexual assault victims usually have emotional and physical reactions that fall into three stages. These can be described as shock, adjustment, and resolution.

Shock usually lasts from a few hours to several weeks. The victim experiences shock, disbelief, fear, and anger. She may have phobic reactions to the place where the sexual assault occurred. She may also have flashbacks, an immediate sense of reliving the sexual assault, and trouble sleeping.
Adjustment comes next. During this temporary stage, the victim begins to feel like her life is returning to normal and tries to regain some sense of control. She may deny the impact of the assault.

Resolution is the time when healing occurs. It is often an uncomfortable period for the victim. She may have many of the same feelings that she experienced immediately following the assault, but now she is closer to being ready to resolve them. She may feel depressed, experience mood swings, feel cut off from others, or need to isolate herself. During this stage of recovery, many victims seek the services of a professional counselor.

Common Responses to Sexual Assault For Teen Girls

Most sexual assault victims report some of the following physical and emotional symptoms:

• Apathy
• Difficulty concentrating
• Eating disorders
• Feeling nervous or jumpy
• Feelings of depression, sadness, and hopelessness
• Guilt
• Headaches
• Hypervigilance
• Inability to express emotions
• Inability to trust others
• Insomnia
• Irritability and anger
• Isolation
• Less interest in activities
• Less interest in sex
• Loss of self-esteem
• Nausea and vomiting
• Nightmares and flashbacks
• Panic attacks
• Physical pain
• Poor appetite
• Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (chronic anxiety, depression, and flashbacks)
• Self-mutilation
• Shame and embarrassment
• Shock and denial
• Substance abuse
• Thoughts of suicide and death

Recovery Steps For The Sexually Abused Teen Girls

Crisis intervention is an important first step. The first few days after an assault can be especially turbulent, and victims need the unique skills of counselors who are trained to respond to crises.
Individual counseling is highly recommended. Any person who has been sexually assaulted will benefit from individual counseling sessions with a caring, experienced, mental health professional.

Group therapy for sexual assault victims is an excellent way for victims to talk about their experiences with others in a supportive and nonjudgmental atmosphere.
Couples counseling can help the victim and her partner to explore their feelings, talk about how the assault is impacting their relationship, and learn coping skills.

Recovery Prognosis For Sexually Assaulted Young Women

Since every person and situation is different, victims of sexual assault respond to an assault in different ways. Many factors can influence an individual’s recovery from sexual assault. Some examples include the following:

• The circumstances surrounding the assault
• The severity of the assault
• The victim’s relationship to the perpetrator
• How police and medical workers respond to the assault
• The victim’s age and maturity level
• How the victim views the attack and what meaning she gives it
• The victim’s support system
• The quality of the response of the victim’s family and friends
• Community attitudes toward sexual assault

Trinity Teen Solutions, Inc Treatment for Sexually Assaulted Teen Girls

Trinity Teen Solutions, Inc utilizes many therapeutic approaches for struggling teen girls on top of  Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), which is the most effective treatment for Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder and Acute Stress Disorder.

EMDR is a psychotherapy that enables the struggling teen girl to heal from the symptoms and emotional distress that are the result of disturbing life experiences.  Repeated studies show that by using EMDR wounded young women can experience the benefits of psychotherapy that once took years to make a difference. It is widely assumed that severe emotional pain requires a long time to heal.  EMDR therapy shows that the mind can in fact heal from psychological trauma much as the body recovers from physical trauma.  When you cut your hand, your body works to close the wound.  If a foreign object or repeated injury irritates the wound, it festers and causes pain.  Once the block is removed, healing resumes.  EMDR therapy demonstrates that a similar sequence of events occurs with mental processes.  The brain’s information processing system naturally moves toward mental health.  If the system is blocked or imbalanced by the impact of a disturbing event, the emotional wound festers and can causes intense suffering.  Once the block is removed, healing resumes.  Using the detailed protocols and procedures learned in EMDR training sessions, clinicians help clients activate their natural healing processes.

For more on EMDR go to the EMDR Institute, Inc web page.

Angie Woodward is a Registered Nurse in Wyoming and is the founder and director of Trinity Teen Solutions,Inc.  Trinity is a licensed Christian residential treatment center for at risk teen girls and their families.  Call 307-645-3384 for a free consultation or contact us.

Reuniting God with Sex: Teaching Teenage Girls the Value of their Bodies

Of all the issues we deal with at Trinity Teen Solutions (TTS), sexual promiscuity tops the list. Most of the teenage girls we counsel are victims of sexual abuse, a crime that tends to lend itself to a lifestyle of sexual deviance. None of this is their fault, but it’s only made worse by society and modern media.

Let’s take a look at some of the problems they face:

Pornography

Merely thirty years ago, one had to pay a visit to the local video store to purchase pornographic videos. Not so, today. Thanks to technology, porn is merely a mouse click away, and it’s often for free.

Pornography desensitizes the mind’s view of sex. It becomes a casual affair of pleasure, rather than an intimate act of love and (eventually) the creation of life. When this happens, you devalue the bond between yourself and your spouse, sacred in nature. You cheapen act which created your children, and you pave the path towards your family’s destruction.

Modern Media

Photo Credit: whologwhy

Not long ago, one needn’t worry about finding trash on the television set. Wholesome programs were the norm, as society wouldn’t have accepted anything less. To say times have changed would be an understatement.

Turn on the tube, and you’ll be amazed at what you see. While the list of suggestive television is too vast to list, it’s there. So-called “family programs” target the impressionable minds of adolescents with images of barely-dressed females, teen pregnancies, sex before marriage, and more.

Divorce

The divorce rate in America is roughly fifty percent, and while the circumstances leading to divorce vary, one can’t help but blame the social and cultural shifts for such a statistic. If the family unit is to survive, we must wake up to this reality.

While the parents sort out their “irreconcilable differences,” it is the children who suffer most. Many are forced to deal with child abuse or poverty, and some grow up to adopt a life of crime. Impaired social skills, psychiatric problems, and behavioral difficulties are also most commonly exhibited in children of divorced parents.

God and Sex

Society tends to separate God and sex – one is holy, the other is a sin. This couldn’t be further from the truth. If anything, society has made sex unholy. Within the bounds of a respectful, loving marriage, sex is a gift from God, and our patients come to realize this.

God imprinted His very image into our bodies – male and female. The one was made for the other, crafted by the Divine Artist. Once sex is seen in this light of truth, it’s impossible to regard it without the dignity it deserves.

As the Creator of life, God is referred to as “Father,” but He is both masculine and feminine. And when a man and woman come together in sexual intimacy, they (in a sense) recreate God in His wholeness. The ultimate result of sex (the creation of a family) mimics God’s creation of all humanity.

How Trinity Teen Solutions Can Help

Each person is unique and precious, and at TTS, our goal is to make each of our patients realize this truth.  We utilize individual and group therapy to delve into each girls’ core issues, and we do so from a Christian standpoint.

Unraveling the damage done not only by sexual perpetrators, but also by today’s day and age, can be challenging, but nothing is impossible with God. Given the right tools and perspective on their bodies and sex, our girls graduate from the TTS program with more than enough self-respect to tackle this moral-less society.

If your daughter is struggling with the issues mentioned here, please feel free to contact us to see if we can help her get back on track.

Advice for Parents Struggling to Teach Christian Faith

On the Wrong Path

Raising a rebellious teenage daughter is difficult enough. What’s worse is when she’s abandoned God, her Christian faith, and every principle you’ve strived to teach her. Of all the reasons parents contact us at Trinity Teen Solutions (TTS), this tops the list.

Photo Credit: Ken_Mayer

At TTS, we come face-to-face with the evils of this world: rape, molestation, parental abandonment…you name it. We see how this evil spreads into the lives of otherwise happy and healthy young women. We hear from parents of every demographic how this evil has ripped their families apart. It’s these same parents who’ve tried confronting this evil with God’s goodness, only to fail.

Don’t Lose Your Faith

If this sounds like you, please don’t lose faith. You haven’t done anything wrong, and your heart is in the right place. You just need a little help, and that’s what this article aims to do.

More often than not, we hear from our teenage girls about “uber-Catholics,” or parents who try incessantly to shove religion down their daughters’ throats. While these parents’ intentions are good, they’re also fruitless–and for good reason. You can’t pound spirituality into your teen daughter; you simply have to live it, and hope that (through free will) she will choose the right path.

Religion is usually the last thing on their minds

Many parents work vigilantly to force religion upon their daughters, only to grow discouraged when their efforts fail. What these parents don’t realize is that beneath the surface of their daughters’ behavior are core issues, many of which stem from abuse, grief, or some other emotional trauma. Desperate for some form of quick comfort, these young women turn to anything which promises an escape from their realities – drinking, drugs, toxic friends. Once there, all they need is to get attached to one bad influence and all your virtuous teaching goes out the window.

Trying to Fill the Void in Their Soul

Regardless of whether or not a person has had an abusive past, every human being feels a certain void within their soul. At TTS, we know (and teach) that this void is the result of Original Sin, when mankind permanently separated itself from the love of God. We’re now desperately searching for something – anything – to fill the emptiness inside, but it’s only by forming a relationship with Him that we can hope to find lasting happiness. Without this understanding, not only is it easy to fall prey to the world’s empty promises, it’s also inevitable.

Uncovering Deep Issues to Bring Back Christian Faith

At TTS, we gently thread the teachings of the Roman Catholic Church into a comprehensive rehabilitation program. We probe beneath the surface of your daughters’ problems to uncover their core issues, how these issues have affected their lives, and how they can change their lives for the better. We examine the practice of reason on our free will, both of which are given to us by God, and exercise a better and more productive use of both.

If you’re a parent concerned not only about your daughter’s lifestyle choices, but also her faith, please contact us at Trinity Teen Solutions at 307.645.3384. Our professional and caring staff of counselors will help your daughter understand her struggle, as well as the fact that God also understands.

In the words of Saint Thomas Aquinas, “Love takes up where knowledge leaves off.”

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Is your daughter a troubled teen in need of help? Complete our free Troubled Teen Assessment to find out.

Losing Faith: When Your Daughter Turns Her Back on God

Dear Angie,

I was searching online for Christian counseling centers that cater towards teenage girls, and I was lucky enough to run across Trinity Teen Solutions’ Web site.

My husband abandoned my daughter and me several years ago; she was only three years old at the time. Since then, I’ve worked very hard to raise her in the Catholic faith, but lately she’s gone astray and has turned her back on God. It seems with each passing year, she grows more rebellious and distant from me and the Church, and has simply lost her faith in Catholicism.

I don’t approve of the crowd she associates with, and I’ve seen her with more than one boy who doesn’t give her the respect she deserves. She’s out at all hours of the night, and I’ve even found empty beer bottles in her closet. On Sundays, I plead with her to go to Mass with me, and she responds by saying, “No! I hate God!”

What am I doing wrong? How can I fix this? As a child, I relished growing up in the Church, and I just want to give her the same foundation. Please help me.

Losing Faith in Louisville, KY

Dear Losing Faith,

First things first, please don’t lose faith in your daughter or God. To quote Saint Augustine, “God judged it better to bring good out of evil, than to suffer no evil to exist.” That is, to say, no matter how bad things are with your daughter right now, God can use it to transform her.

Believe it or not, your story is more common than you think. Most of the parents who contact us do so because their daughters are on the wrong path, and they’ve turned their backs on God. It seems abandoning God and leading a reckless lifestyle go hand in hand, for once you ignore Him, it’s easier to turn your conscience off.

Judging from your letter, the absence of your husband in your daughter’s life has had the biggest impact on her. At Trinity Teen Solutions, we counsel young women dealing with a variety of issues ranging from abandonment to sexual assault, and we do so from a Christian standpoint. We don’t jump straight into God with these girls, however. Rather, we utilize both individual and group therapy sessions until they discover for themselves what their core issues are. From there, we take a look at these discoveries and consider God’s place in them.

While we accept all religious denominations, our primary tools are the teachings of the Roman Catholic faith. We participate in daily mass and Liturgy of the Hours, study the saints and their teachings, and work to exercise the virtues of the Holy Spirit in our everyday lives. Woven throughout all of this is an intensive and professional rehabilitation program with nine years of proven success.

I strongly encourage you to look into Trinity Teen Solutions and what we have to offer. Once again, please don’t lose faith. You and your daughter will be in my thoughts and prayers.

God bless,

Angie
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Angie Woodward is a Registered Nurse in Wyoming and is the founder and owner/director of Trinity Teen Solutions, Inc. TTS is a licensed Christian Residential Treatment center for troubled teen girls, young adult women, and their families. Call 307-645-3384 for a free consultation

God and Sexuality: Teaching Young Girls Respect in the Modern Age

A few years ago, as part of my duties being the Director for Trinity Teen Solutions (TTS), a Christian Residential Treatment Facility in Powell, Wyoming, I received a phone call I will never forget.

It was from a mother who home schooled her teenage daughter during the mornings, and in the afternoons, she worked at her church. While she was at work, her daughter did her homework at the convent on site. Long story short, the nuns walked in on the girl taking naked pictures of herself, and they made her leave. The mother didn’t know what to do, so she called us.

Stories such as this are becoming less remarkable and more common with each passing day. The onslaught of sexual imagery in the media, coupled with the escalation of technology, is teaching our young people to devalue their bodies…a fact that is especially true for young women victimized by sexual assault or abuse.

Most commonly, these girls feel like they don’t fit in. It all goes back to that core issue of sexual abuse. And when we don’t have a deep relationship with God, we feel like something’s missing, so we fill void with other stuff like relationships, drugs, or most commonly, sex.

Developing this “key relationship with God” is the ultimate goal of TTS, which offers programs for teenage girls, as well as for young women in emotional distress. TTS sets itself apart from traditional therapy by utilizing teachings of the Roman Catholic Church – teachings which are beneficial and priceless, regardless of one’s Christian denomination.

From Genesis, we know we’re made “in the image and likeness of God.” From the Gospel of John, we know “God is love.” Considering these two points, it can be said we’re made in the image and likeness of Love itself, which explains our never ending and intense desire for it. Not only did God design our hearts for love, He also designed our bodies for it…bodies which are being objectified by the world as we know it.

Everywhere these girls turn, they better be gorgeous, thin or sexy to be anybody. Just look at some of their Facebook profiles, and see the pictures they take of themselves. It’s clear they’re given the impression that their value is based upon boys’ reactions to them sexually.

Society tends to separate God and sex, as though the one has nothing to do with the other. Society forgets that – as the Author of Creation – God not only understands sex, but He also designed it. Within our very bodies – male and female – He imprinted the dignity and respect that is due to every human being, but in today’s day and age, is so often defiled.

Teaching these young women the truth about sex and their bodies is just one of many goals at TTS.

When dealing with girls who’ve defiled themselves, been molested or raped, we talk about forgiveness. They have a lot of anger towards somebody, so we deal with it from a Christian standpoint.

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Angie Woodward is a Registered Nurse in Wyoming and is the founder and owner/director of Trinity Teen Solutions, Inc. TTS is a licensed long-term residential center with Young Adult Life Skills Programs for at risk teen girls, young adult women and their families.  Call 307-645-3384 for a free consultation.

Understanding the Emptiness within Your Teen Daughter

Filling the Void

Part of being a Christian-based rehabilitation program for troubled, young women is explaining life’s struggles through the eyes of God. And while our patients have been victims of every type of adversity imaginable, from divorce to rape, at the core of each is a longing for happiness.

At the core of everyone is a longing for happiness.

But obtaining this happiness is challenging, especially if the seed of destruction is planted within. And if this seed is planted when a person is still young, still discovering his or her self, finding fulfillment in life becomes all the more challenging. It’s for this reason that many people turn to drugs, relationships, or bad influences in a desperate attempt to fill the void inside.

At Trinity Teens Solutions (TTS), we encounter young women from all walks of life, struggling with a variety of negative pasts, but they all have one thing in common…they’re desperately searching for happiness from anywhere they can find it. More often than not, this search leads them down the wrong path towards negative friendships, drugs, abusive romances and more. Retraining their brains in a more positive direction is only half the battle…

Photo Credit: DamienHR

We have to transform their spirits as well.

As stated earlier, every person (regardless of his or her history) feels emptiness inside…a longing for something more. Just when we think we’ve found everything we’re looking for in life, we discover the craving is still there; nothing will satiate it. At TTS, we know the reason for this…

Original Sin

In the beginning, humankind was perfectly united to God, Who is Love itself. All of our needs were met, and we longed for nothing. It was only after our fall when we recognized our nakedness, felt the shame and loneliness of being separated from Him. Ever since, we’ve longed for something, and until we are perfectly united with Him in glory, we will never find it.

But God is not distant and aloof from His children. As we know, He is Love, and to demonstrate His love for us, He gave us a variety of gifts to make this life easier (or at least, more bearable). The author C.S. Lewis dubbed these gifts as the “pleasures.” Music, food, good wine, friendships…the list of enjoyments could go on and on.

It’s when they replace God that the enjoyment stops, and trouble begins.

When a person’s focus is too internal (or rather, not on God), it’s only too easy to slip into addictions, be it to substances, people, or a lifestyle in general. We cling to God’s gifts as though they were God Himself…the answer to our loneliness and emptiness. Over time, with intensive counseling, patients at TTS realize this truth and begin to overcome their troubling pasts.

When a girl enters TTS, she confronts the abyss within her, and never looks back.

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Angie Woodward is a Registered Nurse in Wyoming and is the founder and owner/director of Trinity Teen Solutions, Inc. TTS is a licensed long-term residential center with Young Adult Life Skills Programs for at risk teen girls, young adult women and their families.  Call 307-645-3384 for a free consultation.